Haha, I just read some of my old blog posts and god damn I am a whiny piece of shit. I’m pretty sick of my self pitying attitude. Life isn’t so bad. I know that. I’m just a brat living in Westport who thinks her problems actually matter. I know that so many people have it a lot worse than me.
I made this blog to vent to myself about personal things, so I’m usually not too hard on myself about sounding stupid, but even for a diary this stuff is a little over the top. But hey, I’m not me if not overdramatic and passive aggressive.
I’ve been feeling more and more like my old self every day. I came out of the second quarter with first honors (and believe me, I did as little work as possible so I’m pretty damn proud considering) midterms were brutal but my semester grades didn’t suffer too badly. I’m a terrible test taker, so I either do fantastically or atrociously. I bombed two tests and aced two tests. Not that bad for a waste- of-space-slacker, eh?
So there’s this game I’ve discovered recently due to having too many geeky guy friends. It’s called League of Legends. I’m sure, nonexistent reader, that you’ve heard of it. Well let me tell you. I love this game, but I suck. And when I mean suck I’m talking half hour games with ten deaths and zero kills. But I play with some of my higher level guy friends and they always try to get me to stand back while they fight the other dudes (boooring) but being narcissistic as I am I always get up in the battle to try and kick ass and end up getting brutally gang-banged (killed) by 3 other enemy players at once. Fun right? I have to say though, as bad as I am, I love this fucking game to death and I honestly cant say why. It’s my inner geek shining through. (cough cough throwback to my anime phase)
Speaking of my inner geek, me and my mom looked at computer science summer programs today! (holaaa) I found two really awesome looking ones, but they’re both really expensive so I won’t be able to do both. One is five days and it’s like coding 101; you get to learn java, css, html, and more. It’s essentially heaven for me because I’ve been trying to teach myself these codes for years but can’t quite get a good grip on them from just online guides. I’ve been needing a real class, and here it is, being served to be on a silver platter at Yale University. Woot. But the other one sounds amazing also!! It’s video game programming. You learn how to program and design video games (who woulda thought) and how to make them awesome. Which also sounds unbelievable. There are a bunch of other programs also but they have prerequisites and being half-self-taught unfortunately counts for nothing. Although I’m extremely eager, I’m still a rookie.
But I get this feeling when I think about it. The same feeling comes when I read books about prison or think about law school, or when I’m songwriting. It’s like, this is it. This is why I’m here. To do this. To pursue this passion. And it makes me so unbelievably happy. I wish I could go into law school AND produce music AND program video games AND quench my thirst for travel and my wanderlust. There are just so many things out there that I want to be doing and so much time I’m wasting here in high school learning algebra I’m just going to forget and never use again and Latin grammar which even for scholars is completely useless. I just have this antsy-ness. I need to get up and go. I need to travel the world.
I need to see the aurora borealis and go on safaris in south africa and spend a night in the underwater hotel on that island off of fiji and ride on the backs of dolphins in Kauaii and ride a horse on a beach in the carribean and teach chinese children to speak english and I need to do it all RIGHT NOW. The struggle is real.
Random Ramblings 